Town of West Union, WV
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What do YOU do when it gets COLD?
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Due to the climate of political correctness
now pervading America,
West Virginians will no longer be referred
to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
I married a moonshiner's daughter
and I love her still
A ventriloquist was entertaining at a bar in Clarksburg. The audience was getting restless and irritated at his stupid hillbilly jokes when one gentleman stood up and said, "West Virginian's are not all stupid"
The ventriloquist began to apologize, but the man says, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the mouthy little jerk on your knee!"
If the end of the world comes, I
hope to be in West Virginia.
Everything happens 20 years later here!
A highly recruited high school football player was visiting schools to try and find the best college for him. His first stop was at Florida St.
When he got there, Bobby Bowden immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you, God" and hung up. This shocked the young man. He asked the
coach what was so special about the golden phone. "Well, this phone is a direct line to God. And God tells us whether or not new recruits would be stars at our university.
The athlete asked if he could use the phone to ask God what college he should pick "Sure, you can! But it's going to cost you $1,000. Calling Heaven ain't cheap."
The fellow didn't have that kind of money, so he moved along.
His next stop was Michigan. Upon entering Lloyd Carr's office, Coach Carr immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you, God" and hung up. The boy said, "Hey, I've seen those phones before. Can I use yours to call God and ask what college I should pick?" Lloyd said, "Sure, but it's going to cost you $750. Calling Heaven isn't cheap.." Again, not having that kind of money, the lad left.
His last stop was in Morgantown, WV. Upon arrival at the office, Coach Rich picked up a golden telephone, talked to God, and said, "Thanks," and hung up. The boy just had to use that phone, so he said, "Coach, I really need to use that golden telephone so I can call God and ask him which college I should choose. From Florida it was going to cost me $1000. From Michigan they wanted $750. So how much will it cost me to call Heaven from here in Morgantown?"
The coach smiled and said, "Nothing, son. It's a local call."
GO Mountaineers !!!!
Forget Rednecks, here is what
Jeff Foxworthy has to say about West Virginians...
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in West Virginia.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in West Virginia.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in West Virginia.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in West Virginia.
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Charleston for the Weekend, you may live in West Virginia.
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in West Virginia.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in West Virginia.
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in West Virginia.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in West Virginia.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in West Virginia.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in West Virginia.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in West Virginia.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in West Virginia.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in West Virginia.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in west virginia .
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in West Virginia.
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in West Virginia.
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your West Virginia friends & others, you definitely live in West Virginia.
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